The Cake Photos

Recently on Facebook, a photographer friend confessed to never taking photos of birthday cakes. I take pics of the awesome robot cakes Mark builds out of cakes I make; or of the girls baking cakes. But other then that, nope, no picture of the cake unless it is smooshed all over someone's face I'm not interested. My kids take pics of their cakes but who am I to stop them?

This led me to think of our wedding and wedding photography. We asked a good friend of ours to take pics -he's an artist and one of the few people we could trust to take good photos). One of our biggest concerns over wedding pictures was not getting the artsy ones. As in- we didn't  want the artsy ones! I don't need to pay someone an exorbitant amount of money ( and please understand, I have paid professional maternity and newborn shoots and would easily pay for more professional pics because I understand and respect the work and time and talent invested in a professional photographer and then stunning photos they produce) to take any of the following photos which I have seen and/or been a part of. And yes this sounds a bit judge but I'm referring to this current point and time. My wedding now, not my wedding pre-kids or in my twenties or with gobs of money to spend. 

-the cake at various angles and in various tones. Yes, I get it. Wedding cakes (edible or just mock cakes which I have seen) are works of art unto themselves. But I don't need a dozen pics of the cake from all angles and in sepia tones. Who wants to eat that?! And yet, I hope there is at least one photo of our wedding cake because we made that nine layer deliciousness ourselves! 

-the buffet table, the dessert spread, place settings, a slice cake with an artistic bite taken out of it

-other people's children doing cute things. Pay for your own family photo shoot people! I kid.  Sort of. But I didnt allow kids other then my own and one infant at my wedding.

-a close up of the ring, a flower, a hairpin. It's my ring, I will be wearing it daily. Where am I supposed to put a photo of it-eBay when I can't pay my bills?! Note: a close up of our hands with our rings on, I can live with that.

-shoes. Other than at a midwifery graduation here in Ontario where all the grads where red shoes, I don't understand this one. It's bad enough to take a close up of everyone's shoes in a circle at the wedding but I've had a photographer take a picture of Mark and I in our two tones and we are just guests at the wedding. Who pays for that?

-Mark leaping over anything or anyone

-Anyone holding up cutesy signs on over sized cue cards or under sized blackboards

Here's what I do want- photos capturing moments of us and our girls before, during and after the wedding. Mark and I together dancing, kissing ( tastefully. Because there are some rather graphic ones from a particularly boozy night in my iPhone). Us interacting with friends. Some wide angle party shots and some posed pics just to ensure they happen. Anything that captures who we are. And let's be honest, anything where I look awesome!

Help me, help you.

Jerry McGuire was in TV the other night, as I read and Mark Chanel surfed and so the title, as you know, is a quote from that movie. A little round about but appropriate here I think.

Before leaving for school this morning, we called R's best friend from grade one who has been away all summer. Like a-l-l summer. Her friend is the youngest of three girls and is a great kid, so are her sisters. We pass by their house on our way to school so thought it would be nice to meet up and walk together. Well, their mom was not happy at all that we called at 8:30 to see if they wanted to meet up in ten minutes. She was too busy getting them ready to talk. No worries. I don't quite get that, given my youngest is a toddler prone to hulking out, and we were, but whatever. As we pass their house, we see them leaving so we wait but then they go in/out a few times and then disappear into the garage. Not sure why anyone would drive to school on the first day if they can help it. Again, perhaps this is completely necessary. But when we get to school we see her friend arrive, her friend with whom she walked home with every day last year, who came to R's party and L's, her friend is so nervous and distraught (and likely exhausted from a long car drive home from the cottage last night, cuz why come home earlier? But a cottage owner I am not so perhaps there are mysterious rituals that need to happen on labour day-night that I am unaware of.) that she can barely crack a smile. This poor kid, who helped my kid gain some courage and independence last year, is devastated to learn she is not in class with any of her friends including my R - who at this point is surrounded by a group of girls and boys she knows, because when she tried to talk to her best friend, her friend was too anxious and upset to let go of her mom to socialize. So, "mom of the best friend", who's kids are older then mine and quite competent and nice because I've had them at my house, maybe next year, when your daughter's friend offers to meet up and walk to school with her, you should take thirty seconds to agree (or respond to the email from two weeks ago) so her transition back is even marginally less stressful. My kid did fine and I'm sure yours adapted but seriously lady, I'm not trying to bond with you, our kids are friends. Help me, help you. 

Back to School: It's All About the Routines

This year is the first year of school for L. She's a bundle of energy but it will be a big change so we are keeping activities to a minimum with just skating lessons on Sunday afternoon and hopefully some fun swim times on Friday nights or Saturdays. We all love to walk and take photos, especially in cooler weather and the girls are still trying to learn to ride two wheelers. All of this on top of the to/from school walk which totals 3km.  So I'm not worried about physical activity. And this way the girls will have plenty of downtime, homework time, and plain old play time with C who adores them!

Starting the second last week in August I reset our alarms using current favourite songs. One for waking up, one for heading to breakfast, one to start getting ready to leave. By the first day of school even the toddler know what song signals "get your shoes on". It also helped get them used to waking up earlier (sort of).

One of the ways we helped L get ready for school for the first time was a couple of weeks at day camp. She loved it. Add this to the fact that she is going to have her big sister's kindergarten teacher, the familiarity of the room and the teacher, definitely helped appease the night- before jitters. We'll see how the first week goes!

Every Sunday morning, we check the weather together for the week & choose outfits for week including hair accessories and place them in hanging cubbies (one cubby for each school day). This way my girls have choices and control plus any favourite clothes still have time to be laundered. An added bonus is ensuring that they don't wear dresses or skirts on gym days (too young to change for gym) or that they have the right colours/outfits for School Spirit Days.

Every Sunday afternoon I chop up veggies and fruit and place in two big glass dishes in the fridge. The girls have labelled lock&lock containers they pack for the next day every evening before supper. Because after supper is way too hectic!

And finally, while likely an unpopular choice, we don't let the girls watch TV during the week. Between after school routines, homework, playing, supper, bath time, and reading. There just isn't the time. And no TV ( this includes YouTube, movies and screen-time games) means they go to sleep much easier.

There's a bakers rack for all their lunch containers, water bottles, and lunch bags. We have hooks for backpacks. And a document holder for forms with calendars on the fridge. School supplies are in the kitchen and the office do that they don't need to take their pencil case out of their bag which reduces the chance they will forget it at home. And homework is done in the kitchen.

Ultimately the best thing we have going for back to school running smoothly is that our girls are super excited about it and generally have a love of learning we hope will continue for many years. And on the days it doesn't, the routines will hold it together.

Two weeks to JK!

It's not fair. My bouncy four year old who wakes up most mornings bouncing and singing; often still wanting to play peekaboo, starts school in two weeks and I'm going to miss her so much my heart hurts.

The unfair part is, no one gets it.

I'm not trying to keep her a baby. I enjoy every age my girls reach as it brings a whole new set of exciting things they can learn and they can teach and they can do.

I'm not trying to keep her at home to protect her from the big bad world. I'm sure I will want to keep her home the first time someone is mean to her or if she cries and doesn't want to go to school. But I won't.  I will give her the strength and trips and love and hugs and mama bear support she needs (and angry mama bear conferences with teachers and whomever else might need to get on board with me!)

And I would never ever say to her that I'm going to miss her a lot or that C will be lost without her. She has too many insensitive  grown ups in her life that do that already thinking they are expressing love when instead they are building anxiety attacks and worries.

L and I have been eagerly anticipating school and talking about the routines and planning for the fun for a year now.

It is just a year that seems to have gone by so quickly and I feel so inadequate as a parent. I just keep questioning whether I gave her all that I could.  Did I play enough with her? Read enough to her? Teach her enough basic academic skills? Teach  her how to be strong and fierce and polite and respectful? Did I give her everything she needs to know she is an amazing little kid that is strong and funny and sensitive and kind? And that she doesn't have to be all of those things at once? Did I lose my patience with her too often? Was I too demanding of her? Was I working too often instead of hanging out with her?  

And the answer is always yes. And no. Yes I gave her everything I could to be ready for school and life as a four year old. And yes I could have played with her more and read to her more and put my work down more. But no I couldn't have loved her better or harder or taught her any better that she is awesome and that I love her and she doesn't need to think about me or C or Mark when she is at school because she is four not eighteen and off to university but at school for six and a half hours and I'm happy to pick her up from lunch if she wants or take mama days if she wants and we will have four hours every evening and all weekend and she will make friends and learn so much and be able to teach us so much.

And the work guilt is misplaced, because I'm fortunate in that I get to be home while I work.

And the did I not play with you enough is misplaced because I did.

And we cooked and baked and shopped and walked and talked and snuggled together. 

And it's just all out of proportion  and completely distorted because it is summer so no I don't sit down and play Barbies with her every day or build Lego castles or play top chef because she has two sisters at home who are happy to do those things and then I can take her for walks and bike rides and pay for camp and go to farmers markets and visit friends.

But really the unfair part is that I'm not going to get a lot of sympathy from other parents possibly including my own partner (possibly) because I have had the honour and pleasure of her company almost every day since the day she was born (my own school and occasional meeting being the exception).

I'd really prefer if she was only going to half-day JK but full day SK.  I feel like the transition for her, for me, and for C would be easier.  But I also trust that my daughter is going to be fine and C and I will find our own path while she is away at school.  Which may or may not include retail therapy.

I'm just saying.

Co- Sleeping Intervention Needed (a year from now)

Every summer we pull our mattresses off the bed frames and slide them down the stairs to the main floor by the last week in June. This year we went another floor down, to the basement for two blissfully cold and dark weeks ( it was hot and sunny outside) but a rainstorm flooded our new sleeping digs and we made a hasty retreat to the living room.

Tonight we are back on bed frames in our rooms and our spines are thanking us. Our girls will also hopefully get more sleep; while, Mark and I might watch less crappy TV because it won't be right in front of us.

I started out with the best of intentions: putting C's mattress on the floor beside our bed. She napped there in the afternoon and I nursed her to sleep around 8. She started making noises around 10:45 but soothed herself back to sleep twice in 45 minutes before she woke up calling for me. 

And that's where I made the mistake. Not of going to her, that I can't help and neither can she until she sleeps more soundly without nursing. But rather, I picked her up and put her in my bed which did two things. One, it annoyed the pants off her. And two, it immediately resumed the co- sleeping I need to wean myself, um, her, off of, without even trying for a full night.

I love sleeping beside my babies. In fact, I could easily sleep with all of them snuggled around me on a floor of mattresses. ( Provided of course Mark and I had our own secret retreat. See Footnote, but be warned.) I am comforted by the sound of their breathing. I can comfort them when they struggle or whimper. And, here's the whole truth: I don't have to get up and go to them. In fact, I don't even have to wake up fully! 

When each of my older two girls moved out of our room, I got less sleep for weeks on end either not being able to fall asleep myself because I was worried I would hear them calling me and because they actually would call and wake me ( me, not us) up multiple times. And this would happen several times a year over several years and I eventually started making Mark go to them because I couldn't handle it gracefully. 

So tonight, at just over 18 months, I brought C back into bed with me because this is where she has always slept except for an experiment we tried right after she turned one. We would put her to sleep in her sister's bed and then they'd join her and she would sleep for three or four hours and we would get lulled into a tricky comforting deep sleep snuggled close to each other and bam! Be jolted awake by a howling C who would wake up her sisters too. And Mark would have to stumble into their room to get her and he realized this whole night time feeding thing is quite disruptive if you actually have to wake up fully.

The co sleeping interdependence and the inability to wean my children before they are two and a half are my huge blind spots as a mama. I would love to learn how to do both or either but it's hard to invest in a skill you are only going to use once. And so C is snuggled against her Dadadadadada (only way she says it) and they are keeping me company. Together her and I will figure it out. Right now, we enjoy the truly fleeting moments. But if she's still in my bed next summer, I may need a co- sleeping intervention. 

Footnote: In case any one is pitying Mark for this inconvenience you should know-and this strays into TMI territory-we have a stash of condoms in almost every room in the house that needs regular replenishment.

Drunk Dial-the Old School Drink Text/Post/Status

Mark and I just got home from dinner at a friend's place. "Just" as in I should post this in the morning to make sure there are actual words here and not random collections of letters my thumbs decided to land on.

And this need to check my post is actually what inspired it. I am so so soooo happy to have Mark in my life for reasons too lengthy to get into here but one of the many reasons, which incidentally he brought this up first- years ago, is because of the lack of impulse control to drunk dial or phone a friend after an extra round (or three) at the bar. The fact that I have him, right here, to kiss and make suggestions to, that he will agree to ( Little known secret, when we were dating he would frequently turn down my suggestive suggestions) is fabulous. Not to mention face saving. Also, having kids helps-in that you either have no friends left to drunk dial ( who wouldn't kill you for waking them up) or your kids monopolize your time as soon as you get home so you don't have time to drunk dial.    

Drunk dial, seriously. Does anyone do that anymore or is it drunk text or IM or PM? I gather its not tweet or update because that would be more public. But wow, what's worse, leaving a rambling voice mail and/or speaking to someone while completely hammered or texting/messaging them? Both are traceable and evidently you. Both will leave you with strong memories if you are unlucky or no memory of it at all if you are lucky (except for evidence on the Internet forever should that PM have actually been a wall post). Both can leave you vulnerable and both can be satisfactory.

Anyway... Sheesh, a person tends to ramble on post-drinking-my point is that 

Mark and I were a couple long before social media had a death grip on society so the worst that could happen then was that I would remember the night before, when  I woke up in the morning, feel slightly or very guilty about the events that passed and realize it didn't matter because I was in the good company of GL, LA, KJ, LP, and JB and we'd basically all pulled the same or similar stunts

I'm not sadly reminiscing. I'm  just in awe of how far things have come, how much my life and life in general has changed in the past decade. It was a topic of discussion tonight but not in a drunk way rather a thread that wove itself through different topics and ended with our departure wherein I said something along the lines of "I better stay offline when I get home as I just drank a bottle of big red on my own." Basically, suggesting I'd go home and dote on or rave about how amazing our friends  are and how much I love them. And Mark. And my girls. And being a mama, which for me, is just so much better then being able to stay out at a bar or club until last call. I am surrounded by love, and conveniently, good friends who enjoy good food and wine-lots of it. Which is the biggest and best difference between life now and life ten or so years ago-the love expressed now after a bottle of wine is genuinely reciprocated and rings true even in the harsh light of the next morning. In fact, it is even stronger. 

Now, time to put away my phone before I post this without an edit.

Creating an anniversary

Mark and I aren't married, officially.  In our minds, hearts, taxes, and the reflection of our love in our three girls, we totally are. 

The ongoing problem with not being married was not having an anniversary! A day to celebrate us. We have a first kiss day but our first date was kind of a vague 

Just under four years ago Mark dropped a samurai steel engagement ring in a box of Soma chocolate and left it on the kitchen counter. It was a random day in September, a few months after we'd just moved into our house and before L was even six months old. He said he couldn't wait until by birthday to give it to me. How awesome is that? I mean he bought me chocolate from Soma! 

We sort of started to plan out a wedding including gourmet catering of an hors doeuvre reception, an incredible photographer, and possibly holding it in Montreal with a group train ride there! 

And then I was accepted into the Midwifery program at Ryerson. And then we had another baby. And then My sweetheart decided to just plan the wedding and surprise me. I gather from our close friends he lasted a couple of weeks before he told me.

I'm thrilled to be involved because I love party planning, I'm not overly fond of surprises and the anticipation is half the fun.

The thing about getting married after you have a house, three girls, and 9 to 11 years of commitment is that it really becomes about the life you have already built together and celebrating that with the people you love and who love you. Oh and cheap! It becomes about the what you can do cheaply and whether you actually have to invite your family.

The short answer is yes you do. But I refuse to be walked down the aisle. Don't get me wrong, I love my Dad. I consider us quite close but he is so emotional I don't need my mascara running before I even get to Mark! But more importantly, we have been together for at least nine years; and the only person that gets to give this bride away is herself. It's not so much a rebellion of tradition. ( been there, done that) but an opportunity to walk into a celebration of us, together and with our girls. To be sure I didn't offend my Dad I did check in with him and he admitted "it's not really my cup of tea. But whatever you guys need I will be there for you."

While my living in sin status may not show it; I consider myself a person of strong faith. I have a few issues with the politics of the Catholic Church, but they have a few issues with my politics! So we agree to disagree. The only church i rvet wanted to get married in is fortyinutrd outside Quebev City and a revered pilgrammage site, so a logistical impossibilty. I'm more than ok that Mark, (my aethist partner who is kinder, sweeter, and more generous and more forgiving them many communion receiving Catholics I know) and I get married in the home we have created together surrounded by our family and friends. It's truly fitting and very us. And so as we plan our day, we are striving to make it very us.

Along those lines, my sweetheart of a partner is making me giggle at his eye rolling and scowling as he plans the wedding. These are all tasks he chose or rather insisted on taking on, reluctantly surrendering some tasks to me which we made final decisions on together.

Wedding invitations. Mark is designing them. Based on the look on his face here:

he'd obviously rather be chewing rusty nails. This pic is from the first week in July as he starts to design the invites for our September wedding and he appears "mildly" irritated that we don't magically own a copy if Illustrator or Photoshop and that my netbook is slow. But as a small handful of you know, those invites are actually landing on doorsteps this week. We had a lot of fun addressing them as it involved cursing the Internet for not instinctively providing us with missing unit numbers and postal codes while Mark called his parents to tell them and the resulting conversation was hysterical and involved not being congratulated; and wondering aloud if it was just going to be family. Because if there is one reason we waited this kin to get married it wasn't so we could have a kick ass pool party with our friends it was to relive every awkward and irritating dual family get together ever.

Here is a pic of him picking music for the playlists:

That is his expression whenever I actually offer up a song suggestion - at-his- request. Apparently, Bon Jovi and Bob Marley is way too common, sorry, overplayed and " I already added  Livin on a Prayer". Not  sure where it is that -we go- these artists are overplayed. But I trust him with this. So many of our early conversations and dates were around music, concerts, and dancing. I know he will generate a memorable playlist that we can dance to.

And people, there will be dancing. And tequila. And swimming. And food. Throw in thirty friends and a few family members. Add three butterscotch girls with wide grins and sparkling eyes and lots of love- sounds like a match made in heaven to me. 

I'm just hoping I learn how to tread water before September as I'm worried some over enthusiastic friend is you to throw me in the water.