Co- Sleeping Intervention Needed (a year from now)

Every summer we pull our mattresses off the bed frames and slide them down the stairs to the main floor by the last week in June. This year we went another floor down, to the basement for two blissfully cold and dark weeks ( it was hot and sunny outside) but a rainstorm flooded our new sleeping digs and we made a hasty retreat to the living room.

Tonight we are back on bed frames in our rooms and our spines are thanking us. Our girls will also hopefully get more sleep; while, Mark and I might watch less crappy TV because it won't be right in front of us.

I started out with the best of intentions: putting C's mattress on the floor beside our bed. She napped there in the afternoon and I nursed her to sleep around 8. She started making noises around 10:45 but soothed herself back to sleep twice in 45 minutes before she woke up calling for me. 

And that's where I made the mistake. Not of going to her, that I can't help and neither can she until she sleeps more soundly without nursing. But rather, I picked her up and put her in my bed which did two things. One, it annoyed the pants off her. And two, it immediately resumed the co- sleeping I need to wean myself, um, her, off of, without even trying for a full night.

I love sleeping beside my babies. In fact, I could easily sleep with all of them snuggled around me on a floor of mattresses. ( Provided of course Mark and I had our own secret retreat. See Footnote, but be warned.) I am comforted by the sound of their breathing. I can comfort them when they struggle or whimper. And, here's the whole truth: I don't have to get up and go to them. In fact, I don't even have to wake up fully! 

When each of my older two girls moved out of our room, I got less sleep for weeks on end either not being able to fall asleep myself because I was worried I would hear them calling me and because they actually would call and wake me ( me, not us) up multiple times. And this would happen several times a year over several years and I eventually started making Mark go to them because I couldn't handle it gracefully. 

So tonight, at just over 18 months, I brought C back into bed with me because this is where she has always slept except for an experiment we tried right after she turned one. We would put her to sleep in her sister's bed and then they'd join her and she would sleep for three or four hours and we would get lulled into a tricky comforting deep sleep snuggled close to each other and bam! Be jolted awake by a howling C who would wake up her sisters too. And Mark would have to stumble into their room to get her and he realized this whole night time feeding thing is quite disruptive if you actually have to wake up fully.

The co sleeping interdependence and the inability to wean my children before they are two and a half are my huge blind spots as a mama. I would love to learn how to do both or either but it's hard to invest in a skill you are only going to use once. And so C is snuggled against her Dadadadadada (only way she says it) and they are keeping me company. Together her and I will figure it out. Right now, we enjoy the truly fleeting moments. But if she's still in my bed next summer, I may need a co- sleeping intervention. 

Footnote: In case any one is pitying Mark for this inconvenience you should know-and this strays into TMI territory-we have a stash of condoms in almost every room in the house that needs regular replenishment.

Drunk Dial-the Old School Drink Text/Post/Status

Mark and I just got home from dinner at a friend's place. "Just" as in I should post this in the morning to make sure there are actual words here and not random collections of letters my thumbs decided to land on.

And this need to check my post is actually what inspired it. I am so so soooo happy to have Mark in my life for reasons too lengthy to get into here but one of the many reasons, which incidentally he brought this up first- years ago, is because of the lack of impulse control to drunk dial or phone a friend after an extra round (or three) at the bar. The fact that I have him, right here, to kiss and make suggestions to, that he will agree to ( Little known secret, when we were dating he would frequently turn down my suggestive suggestions) is fabulous. Not to mention face saving. Also, having kids helps-in that you either have no friends left to drunk dial ( who wouldn't kill you for waking them up) or your kids monopolize your time as soon as you get home so you don't have time to drunk dial.    

Drunk dial, seriously. Does anyone do that anymore or is it drunk text or IM or PM? I gather its not tweet or update because that would be more public. But wow, what's worse, leaving a rambling voice mail and/or speaking to someone while completely hammered or texting/messaging them? Both are traceable and evidently you. Both will leave you with strong memories if you are unlucky or no memory of it at all if you are lucky (except for evidence on the Internet forever should that PM have actually been a wall post). Both can leave you vulnerable and both can be satisfactory.

Anyway... Sheesh, a person tends to ramble on post-drinking-my point is that 

Mark and I were a couple long before social media had a death grip on society so the worst that could happen then was that I would remember the night before, when  I woke up in the morning, feel slightly or very guilty about the events that passed and realize it didn't matter because I was in the good company of GL, LA, KJ, LP, and JB and we'd basically all pulled the same or similar stunts

I'm not sadly reminiscing. I'm  just in awe of how far things have come, how much my life and life in general has changed in the past decade. It was a topic of discussion tonight but not in a drunk way rather a thread that wove itself through different topics and ended with our departure wherein I said something along the lines of "I better stay offline when I get home as I just drank a bottle of big red on my own." Basically, suggesting I'd go home and dote on or rave about how amazing our friends  are and how much I love them. And Mark. And my girls. And being a mama, which for me, is just so much better then being able to stay out at a bar or club until last call. I am surrounded by love, and conveniently, good friends who enjoy good food and wine-lots of it. Which is the biggest and best difference between life now and life ten or so years ago-the love expressed now after a bottle of wine is genuinely reciprocated and rings true even in the harsh light of the next morning. In fact, it is even stronger. 

Now, time to put away my phone before I post this without an edit.

Creating an anniversary

Mark and I aren't married, officially.  In our minds, hearts, taxes, and the reflection of our love in our three girls, we totally are. 

The ongoing problem with not being married was not having an anniversary! A day to celebrate us. We have a first kiss day but our first date was kind of a vague 

Just under four years ago Mark dropped a samurai steel engagement ring in a box of Soma chocolate and left it on the kitchen counter. It was a random day in September, a few months after we'd just moved into our house and before L was even six months old. He said he couldn't wait until by birthday to give it to me. How awesome is that? I mean he bought me chocolate from Soma! 

We sort of started to plan out a wedding including gourmet catering of an hors doeuvre reception, an incredible photographer, and possibly holding it in Montreal with a group train ride there! 

And then I was accepted into the Midwifery program at Ryerson. And then we had another baby. And then My sweetheart decided to just plan the wedding and surprise me. I gather from our close friends he lasted a couple of weeks before he told me.

I'm thrilled to be involved because I love party planning, I'm not overly fond of surprises and the anticipation is half the fun.

The thing about getting married after you have a house, three girls, and 9 to 11 years of commitment is that it really becomes about the life you have already built together and celebrating that with the people you love and who love you. Oh and cheap! It becomes about the what you can do cheaply and whether you actually have to invite your family.

The short answer is yes you do. But I refuse to be walked down the aisle. Don't get me wrong, I love my Dad. I consider us quite close but he is so emotional I don't need my mascara running before I even get to Mark! But more importantly, we have been together for at least nine years; and the only person that gets to give this bride away is herself. It's not so much a rebellion of tradition. ( been there, done that) but an opportunity to walk into a celebration of us, together and with our girls. To be sure I didn't offend my Dad I did check in with him and he admitted "it's not really my cup of tea. But whatever you guys need I will be there for you."

While my living in sin status may not show it; I consider myself a person of strong faith. I have a few issues with the politics of the Catholic Church, but they have a few issues with my politics! So we agree to disagree. The only church i rvet wanted to get married in is fortyinutrd outside Quebev City and a revered pilgrammage site, so a logistical impossibilty. I'm more than ok that Mark, (my aethist partner who is kinder, sweeter, and more generous and more forgiving them many communion receiving Catholics I know) and I get married in the home we have created together surrounded by our family and friends. It's truly fitting and very us. And so as we plan our day, we are striving to make it very us.

Along those lines, my sweetheart of a partner is making me giggle at his eye rolling and scowling as he plans the wedding. These are all tasks he chose or rather insisted on taking on, reluctantly surrendering some tasks to me which we made final decisions on together.

Wedding invitations. Mark is designing them. Based on the look on his face here:

he'd obviously rather be chewing rusty nails. This pic is from the first week in July as he starts to design the invites for our September wedding and he appears "mildly" irritated that we don't magically own a copy if Illustrator or Photoshop and that my netbook is slow. But as a small handful of you know, those invites are actually landing on doorsteps this week. We had a lot of fun addressing them as it involved cursing the Internet for not instinctively providing us with missing unit numbers and postal codes while Mark called his parents to tell them and the resulting conversation was hysterical and involved not being congratulated; and wondering aloud if it was just going to be family. Because if there is one reason we waited this kin to get married it wasn't so we could have a kick ass pool party with our friends it was to relive every awkward and irritating dual family get together ever.

Here is a pic of him picking music for the playlists:

That is his expression whenever I actually offer up a song suggestion - at-his- request. Apparently, Bon Jovi and Bob Marley is way too common, sorry, overplayed and " I already added  Livin on a Prayer". Not  sure where it is that -we go- these artists are overplayed. But I trust him with this. So many of our early conversations and dates were around music, concerts, and dancing. I know he will generate a memorable playlist that we can dance to.

And people, there will be dancing. And tequila. And swimming. And food. Throw in thirty friends and a few family members. Add three butterscotch girls with wide grins and sparkling eyes and lots of love- sounds like a match made in heaven to me. 

I'm just hoping I learn how to tread water before September as I'm worried some over enthusiastic friend is you to throw me in the water.